Betrayal

Good Friday.  I've been thoughtful all day and have watched well-made videos capturing the despair and hopelessness of those who knew and loved Jesus.  Then...Sunday is coming!! What a joyous day! satan has been defeated.  We win in the end! So true and triumphant and I'm trying to enjoy all that I have today to help me observe.  So much on the internet and FB to choose from.  Even our own service tonight with just a soloist, videos, and scripture.  No choir. No congregation. No orchestra.  This is bizarre but maybe next year we'll appreciate it 100x more.

Thursday night, Jesus was betrayed by a 'friend'.  Betrayed to be captured, flogged, humiliated, and killed.  He let it happen.  Didn't have to let it happen.  God could have sent millions of angels to wipe the religious leaders and Romans off the earth.  But God turned His head away and let it happen out of love for us.  Amazing and touching and heartbreaking at the same time.  Because what He gets is us. Flawed and dumb.  Stubborn and silly.  Fearful and untrusting.  He doesn't give up on us and wants to spend time with us here and for eternity.  ABUNDANT LIFE!  Thank you, Lord Jesus!

My experience of betrayal is nothing like His.  It's tiny. It's deserved also.  I'm paying for mistakes I made in the past.  Jesus is teaching me as His child.  Discipline...learning what can happen if I stubbornly assume all is okay. That I'm not doing anything wrong.  That my attitude is fine.  After all, I pray for this person daily.  I much admire them and their gifts.  I watch their back. I've been a very close friend and would do anything for them.  Caught in a trap....played like a yo-yo.  

Yesterday, that person betrayed me.  Something said in confidence 3 years ago was played back in a sarcastic way in front of three others and me.  I was stunned. I went numb after the initial terrible embarrassment.  I faked laughter and changed the subject even though I know the others heard me say 'You're embarrassing me'.  My face turned red.  They saw.  They were probably very puzzled at what they heard.  But now, I'm concerned that other personal things will be tossed out to whosoever. 

I am not angry, surprisingly.  Just 'cast down' as David the Psalm-writer said.  Humiliated and sad.  I won't be able to call this person my good friend anymore.  Just going to have to be a surface relationship.  Probably the friendship wasn't a good idea anyway. It was one-sided.  And I doubt that this person even remembers today that they did that to me yesterday.  They will wonder why I've backed off and am not seeking them out.  But it will only do more harm to talk about it with them.

Again, I know it doesn't compare to Jesus' betrayal.  But I know He understands and, even though I did wrongly in the past to possibly cause this, He is loving me and I feel His grace and His arms around me.  Thank you, God, for loving me 'in spite of'.