Snatching Defeat Out of Victory

So true, this verse.  If I allow it to be His battle.  There's always a struggle with how much I want to give it up and knowing I should give it up to be obedient.

I have had several weeks of victory.  Then, just when I get comfy, I fall.  This time it was none of my own doing, happened 2 days straight and then was in my dreams last night.  It's quite irritating how satan can use those instances and burden me with a dream that's hard to forget.

If I seriously wanted to forget it, I would ask God to wipe it out of my memory.  I do ask Him.  He can do it now or later but it will eventually be gone.

And He's unbelievably patient with me.  So loving and just puts up with my constant failures and messes.  He is Good.

I love this song, 'Goodness of God'.  This is my life. And when I stop to remember and think and dwell on this right thought, then I can pull that victory back into my days.

I love You, Lord

For Your mercy never failed me

All my days, I've been held in Your hands

From the moment that I wake up

Until I lay my head

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God.

And all my life You have been faithful

And all my life You have been so, so good

With every breath that I am able

Oh, I will sing of the goodness of God.

I love Your voice

You have led me through the fire

And in darkest night You are close like no other

I've known You as a Father

I've known You as a Friend

And I have lived in the goodness of God.

    

These Very Strange Days!

I miss this!! Choir and Orchestra and church as normal.  Some people aren't missing it terribly much and that is my concern. People may choose to continue the quarantine life if they can. I'm afraid attendance will drop pretty low.  God wants us to worship Him together in person - He says so in the Word.  Hebrews 10:25. 'Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another...'

A lot has gone on in these last few years.  I've got more time now to write and maybe I will more often. This picture is one of my favorites.  On our 40th wedding anniversary we stood on the steps of the church where we married.  And now with 4 grandkids. Wow, we have been blessed so much!
My parents are still healthy and the kids are, too.

Now we are in a time that is so difficult.  The word 'unprecedented' is overused but that is the best description.  We have no idea how to handle things.  It's made worse by the fact that the media doesn't tell the truth.  They exaggerate and lie.  We don't know what to believe anymore.  Everything is political - even Covid-19.  So much has been stolen from us by this disease.  Traditions, celebrations, even the weekly routines that we have had for years with family has been interrupted.  It's hard to predict how long it will last.  Will Covid begin to be more like the flu? Just another virus eventually?
In the meantime, changes have occurred that may stay permanently. Like working from home for some people.  Or less church in the church - more online or in homes.  This is not bad - just different.

I'm beginning to think about retirement in a few years.  I am considering a job change in the next year or so that may provide a little more money for our retirement (if someone would hire me at that age!).  But God has always opened the door for me.  I've never been without and if He wants me in a certain position, then I will be there or will know that I should stay put. 

It helps me that I see someone very clearly now. So clear. It helps me to consider my future in a different way. The 'chain' is a little looser.  God has been so good to let some painful things happen to help me see.

Later!

Betrayal

Good Friday.  I've been thoughtful all day and have watched well-made videos capturing the despair and hopelessness of those who knew and loved Jesus.  Then...Sunday is coming!! What a joyous day! satan has been defeated.  We win in the end! So true and triumphant and I'm trying to enjoy all that I have today to help me observe.  So much on the internet and FB to choose from.  Even our own service tonight with just a soloist, videos, and scripture.  No choir. No congregation. No orchestra.  This is bizarre but maybe next year we'll appreciate it 100x more.

Thursday night, Jesus was betrayed by a 'friend'.  Betrayed to be captured, flogged, humiliated, and killed.  He let it happen.  Didn't have to let it happen.  God could have sent millions of angels to wipe the religious leaders and Romans off the earth.  But God turned His head away and let it happen out of love for us.  Amazing and touching and heartbreaking at the same time.  Because what He gets is us. Flawed and dumb.  Stubborn and silly.  Fearful and untrusting.  He doesn't give up on us and wants to spend time with us here and for eternity.  ABUNDANT LIFE!  Thank you, Lord Jesus!

My experience of betrayal is nothing like His.  It's tiny. It's deserved also.  I'm paying for mistakes I made in the past.  Jesus is teaching me as His child.  Discipline...learning what can happen if I stubbornly assume all is okay. That I'm not doing anything wrong.  That my attitude is fine.  After all, I pray for this person daily.  I much admire them and their gifts.  I watch their back. I've been a very close friend and would do anything for them.  Caught in a trap....played like a yo-yo.  

Yesterday, that person betrayed me.  Something said in confidence 3 years ago was played back in a sarcastic way in front of three others and me.  I was stunned. I went numb after the initial terrible embarrassment.  I faked laughter and changed the subject even though I know the others heard me say 'You're embarrassing me'.  My face turned red.  They saw.  They were probably very puzzled at what they heard.  But now, I'm concerned that other personal things will be tossed out to whosoever. 

I am not angry, surprisingly.  Just 'cast down' as David the Psalm-writer said.  Humiliated and sad.  I won't be able to call this person my good friend anymore.  Just going to have to be a surface relationship.  Probably the friendship wasn't a good idea anyway. It was one-sided.  And I doubt that this person even remembers today that they did that to me yesterday.  They will wonder why I've backed off and am not seeking them out.  But it will only do more harm to talk about it with them.

Again, I know it doesn't compare to Jesus' betrayal.  But I know He understands and, even though I did wrongly in the past to possibly cause this, He is loving me and I feel His grace and His arms around me.  Thank you, God, for loving me 'in spite of'.

Catchin' Up Five Years Later

What changes in our lives!!  And this blog now should be called 60 in P-Town!!! :)  Here is a short summary of these past 5 years.  This does not include, of course, all the emotions, high points, low points, daily grind, wonderful holidays, family birthday get-togethers, beautiful seasons, everyday wonders and routines!

• In 2015, our pastor, Dr. E. retired.  My boss became instrumental in finding a new pastor.
• 2016, Pastor M. came (April).  
• July, 2016, I became his assistant and left my music ministry job.
• May, 2018, I got shingles.  That's a 'highlight'! Ha!  We had to cancel our trip to see Stephen and Rachel in Nevada.  I was out of commission for 2 weeks and then had leftover nerve pain for months.  I still have the nerve pain when I am really stressed.
• 2019 was a bad year health wise for my husband and some for parents.
• 2019 was a Siesta Key year.  Wonderful as usual!
• Now 2020.  Hopeful it would be stellar.  But we have an unprecedented thing happen with this COVID-19 virus that came to us from China.  The world is in quarantine and only just now are some countries coming out of it.  We in the US are at peak or close.  "Shelter in Place" is the new rule.  "Social Distancing" is the new catchphrase.  6 feet away!  People in masks when we shop.  The kids' school year is over.  They won't go back until August.  My little Maddie's 5th grade year with all of its highlights is over.  Natalie won't get to sing "Kindergarten, Here We Come" while her mother cries. 
• I have also had victory in these days at work with a 'pet' struggle that I've had for years and years.  There have been many changes there and it's helped that there is now one closer than me to my problem person.
• So today - John is out cycling.  He has taken this sport up in the last few years and is amazing.  Rides 40-60 miles at a time with no problems.  He's in great shape and I'm proud of him.
• These days are slow.  I don't get in a hurry to do anything because I have all the time in the world.  I'm even cooking some.  I miss the kids so much.  I have been seeing them more than I should but I'll take a break for a week or so.  I want to go see them on Easter.  We won't be having church services (going on 4 weeks now since we've had services).
• So yes, there are advantages. Not spending much money, relaxing and less stress for me. Not so much for John. He's still having to work 8-5 on the computer and virtually.  I feel badly for those who have lost jobs and that so many businesses will die.  I guess I never really thought about how bustling and busy we are and about all the congregating we do as people and as a community.  I hope we'll never take that for granted again.
• Now for some pics to catch up: